this has been long overdue

About a month ago, I had a long talk with my girlfriend regarding my current situation. It covered the basics: what I am looking for, what I'm looking to get out of a job, etcetera. She knows just as well as I do that if it wasn't for bills to pay and a lifestyle to maintain, I could care less if I worked or not. The menial job is a notion that makes my mind recoil and my cock shrivel. And the hunt.. well, the hunt for that menial job is the most degrading thing I can think of.

Of course, as I reflect upon my choices in the job market over these last couple of years, I can't say I have taken the most upstanding of positions. The first one that comes to mind is ME. They caught me off guard, and I decided to take the job for the sole reason because it was the first job that came along. And through sheer laziness I stayed there.

Once I was settled at ME, I stopped caring about getting another job. I knew after the interview that the job wouldn't be for me, and that I would resent it almost immediately. But that didn't stop me from not bothering to look for work. Sure, nine months after I started at ME, I let a friend of mine put my CV forth at his work, but that wasn’t real effort. And to top it all off, I didn’t even get the fucking job.

During our long talk, I realised that I've found myself with a planner. The type of girl who likes to know what she’ll be doing when she gets there. The type of girl who has a clear idea of what she’ll be doing in five years. At times I think we’re polar opposites, but perhaps that’s what makes it work. I’m not one for thinking ahead. I’m not the one who’s thinking of what I’ll be doing this time next year. In five years. Or in ten, for that matter. What I think and care about is what I’m doing now.

And now we get back to the point of the conversation. I know what I want to do, but without any proper experience, without any formal training, I won’t get that opportunity. There was a position for Sub-Editor available at one of the many job agencies the other week, and so I thought I would put myself forward for the position. Did I get a response? No. The girl at Adam’s told me they usually look for people with experience in that field, yet in the job description, it said all they were looking for is someone who had an affinity for journalism. It didn’t say they were necessarily looking for anyone with concrete experience. Of course, she failed to give me a response to that. Unfortunate, really, as I think that sort of position would suit me well. For one, I’d be working in a field that has some sort of interest for me, and therefore I would tend to work harder in a position that I care about. Another thing, is that I’d be learning something on the job; I wouldn’t be stuck in a call centre talking to complete fools all day long, pushing products that I really don’t care about. Yet, due to my lack of experience in the publishing sector, and for my lack of experience in publishing altogether for that matter, the agency will not put my application forth. What a day we live in, when a recruitment agency won’t put you forth for the job you desire most. Isn’t that what they’re there for?

Anyway, what I was trying to say, what we were talking about the other night, was the fact that I’m twenty-six years old, turning twenty seven at the end of the year, and I’m still working in dead-end jobs that pay crap and have no room for improvement. She tried to explain to me that my misery is her misery, and if I’m still coming home at the end of the day miserable, just like I was when I was working at ME, then it’s going to put a massive strain on our relationship. I didn’t say it at the time, but I couldn’t agree more. I do realise that if I'm in a shitty mood because of a long, frustrating day, then that will effect our time together. But what I know is this: I don’t want to work in another shitty job for the rest of my life, but if that’s what I’ll be doing in five years, then that’s something I’ll deal with when the time comes.

What I tried to explain to her, and what my philosophy is and has been for as long as I care to remember, is the fact that I’m thinking about now, not five years down the line. If I take care of the now, the later will take care of itself.